I have been continuously reflecting on my life trying to figure out the essentials of life. When I left home and my native land at the age of 17 to join the Jesuits, I thought my life was safe and secure. In my mind I received through the Jesuits the best religious and secular training and education that the world could offer. I also thought that after many years of extensive and intensive training and formation I received the best job that the Jesuits could give, that is training selected men (young Jesuits and others) in Jnana Deep Vidyapeeth (Institute of Philosphy and Religion), Pune, India, who would devote their lives to spread the teaching and good news of Christ to establish the Kingdom of God. As I progressed I became restless and I realized that the serious questions that were cropping up in my mind did not have satisfactory answers. I gradually began to develop difficulty in reconciling myself theologically and spiritually with the great importance given to chastity/celibacy and unconditional obedience to the pope, and the medieval, hierarchical, autocratic power structure in the Catholic Church. I became aware that that kind of curtailing of freedom of individuals was unnecessary and even harmful for spiritual life. I left the Jesuits at the age of 42, keeping with me the very best they gave, to continue my search for truth and answers to questions related to purpose of life in this world.

             Where am I now at the age of 73? How do I see this world? This world is a beautiful place created for all. Every human is created in God's image. I respect and revere every human. This beautiful world has taken a wrong turn that led to the strangle-hold of consumerism, greed, exhibitionism, vain glory, and domination by a select, powerful, and privileged but misguided few. A world of solid values and virtues seems to be in the grip of demonic forces. These demons, no doubt, are within us. We can exorcise them if we dare to. Unfortunately we humans as co-creators have failed. Religions have so far failed to deliver their promises. However, finally truth will triumph. Light will not be overcome by darkness. The teachings of Christ and Buddha, and the message given in the person of Sri Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita, and the life of truth and non-violence modeled by Mahatma Gandhi in his practical life are eternal, and will provide guidance for all. There are other seers and luminaries illuminating our path. No doctrine or dogma can satisfy. Finally it is a question of faith in God or the person who reveals God. Even here any scripture or any divine being can be only a pointer to the Ultimate. But one thing we can be sure of. Love of God can happen only through love of humanity. God can be worshiped only in spirit, truth, and love. No one who loves his or her fellow human being, including the least one, will be lost. It is only difficult because of the bad programming we have received during our formative years, and because of the garbage we have collected in our mind over the years, and the baggage we carry that slows us down.

Empathic Relating

            Empathic relating comes from empathic living. Empathy means putting oneself in the other person's place in every way possible: in thought, feeling, disposition, attitude, pain, and joy. A few years ago when our Sidhashram was being constructed in Munnar there were many persons from different castes working in close cooperation. They were generally cordial. I was not personally aware of each one's caste. One day Rekha (not her real name), one of the workers, came to me crying. She stated one of the carpenters close to her work area, Rajan (not his real name), cited an old proverb hurt that her as it put her caste in a bad light. He cited the proverb in answer to a question regarding his availability or predictability in the next 24 hours. He would only know his situation for sure only after day-break next morning. When I confronted Rajan with the derogatory proverb, his answer was that he did not mean to hurt anyone, and Rekha should not feel hurt as it is after all a commonly used proverb in the culture. To conscientize him, I asked him if he would like the proverb if he were in the place of Rekha. Then he got the clear message. It is high time that we clean our language of any proverb or saying that put any race, caste, sex, or religion in a prejudiced light.

             In empathic living as well as in empathic relating one undergoes what the other person undergoes short of doing what the other person does. For instance, empathy does not mean that I cry with the other person while I am in empathy with the pain of the other person. That might be construed as over-identification or over-involvement that is not really helpful to the other person. But an empathic person will do whatever can be done under the circumstances. Sometimes the only thing an empathic person needs to do is to listen to another person attentively so the other person can vent one's feelings and obtain release from the grip of oppressive pain and hurt. Empathic listening with undivided attention in an understanding and accepting climate without evaluating and judging the other person is a precious gift that we can give to another person. This gift can temporarily or permanently help free the other person from the emotional block that one is stuck in. Actress Jiah Khan in despair was driven to suicide a couple of days ago most probably because she perceived the world as a hostile place. Perhaps she felt that she would not be able to trust anyone, and receive the empathic understanding she was looking for. Empathic relating certainly is a necessary ingredient in a helping and healing relationship such as psychotherapy. We need not agree with a person's interpretation of things, but we can certainly empathize with a person, which (empathizing) might help one look at one's interpretation in a new or different light that is helpful. We also need to keep in mind that when many persons say that we do not understand them they mean we do not agree with them. Clearly understanding is not agreeing. In any case, empathic relating enhances our own personality. It is essential for Unity of Humanity.